Tape Rojo

Ok, so I need some anger management therapy and I don't have a professional so I am writing this post. Nothing like some frustration to motivate you to blog when you have been VERY bad at it lately.

I will be traveling to Chile next week with S and bringing my 6 year old for the first time. I know when a child is traveling internationally with one parent you usually have to have a travel authorization letter which is notarized by a notary in the US. Last Sunday I decided that I better check to see if there were any weird regulations with Chile. It turns out there is. I call the Chilean consulate in Chicago and find out that there is a form that I need to fill out. Interestingly enough the person answering the phone barely speaks English and can't understand me. Is it just me or shouldn't be part of the job qualification to be able to speak English in order to work in the US at the Chilean Consulate office? I find out that what I need to have my son's father fill out a form and (1) get it notarized (2) take it to the Clerk of Courts to have it notarized and (3) send it to the Chilean consulate in Chicago along with a $12.00 money order in order for it to be "authenticated" whatever that is besides being $12.00 richer. They send me the form and it says-

autorizo a mi hijo(a) menor: (authorize my minor child)__________________________________________________

para que viaje de Santiago de Chile a _______________________________________
(to travel from Santiago de Chile to)

entre el _______/_______/_______ (día/mes/año) y el _______/_______/_______ (día/mes/año). (between) (dd/mm/year) and (dd/mm/year).

So I call the consulate office in Chicago and they assure me this is the right form. I guess they use this form on the way back from Chile for me to get my son back into the United States which makes NO SENSE. I guess they will ask for it on my way into Chile but you need it to get your child out. I thought the whole point of this is for me not to kidnap my own child and run off to another country but the point of this letter is for me to bring them back to the US from Chile. To verify the process I call several other consulates offices and there is no answer. I call the Chilean Embassy in the US and I am convinced there are no live people there. I tried every option possible and even picked the dial by name option and tried typing in names and called about 10 different extensions- no one answered. Oh, and the option to be transferred to the operater sends you to a voice mailbox that is full :). I finally get in touch with the consulate in New York and they verify the process.

Ok, so Tuesday there is a billzard in Cincinnati and I have all the paperwork to take to the Clerk fo Courts. I'm driving there and find out that they are closing at 12:00 due to the snow and it's 11:50. I convince them to stay for a few minutes because I really need to get this signed and I try not to wreck the car on the way. They were really nice and gave me the signature I needed. There were no Fed-Ex locations near by but there was a post office. I take the letter to the post office along with the $12.00 money order and pay an additional $40 (20 there and back) to send it express mail.

Side story- while I'm filling out the labels the guy behind me seems like a regular customer and was asking if one of the workers was in. The Post Office worker said "Oh yea, she just got back from Chile". I said "Oh!! That is where I am going to!". The customer said to me "Chile, is that in Ohio? Chile, Ohio?" I said "No, it's in South America". He said "Oh, is it in Florida?" I'm like "No, it's on teh contient South America". He was still perplexed. I finally said "South America, like where Brazil is." He said "Oh, ok...yea." He said "Is it warm there?" I said yea, it's summer there now. He seemed even more perplexed and I didn't want to get into how the earth was round and trying to explain the weather. Crazy!!!

Anyway, the letter is sent. Letter is supposed to arrive next day at 12:00. On Wednesday I call at 11:00 and the lady who barely speaks english answers again. She can't understand me and I give the phone to S in complete frustration so that he can speak Spanish to her. He finds out that they did not receive the letter. They close daily at 1 PM (nice job- 9 to 1) this is how efficient the government is at running things. On Thursday I traveled to Florida and completely forgot to call them to check. This morning I log on to the United Postal Service web site and use the tracking number to find out that they attempted a delivery. I call the consulate office and they say that they don't have it. I call the post office to find out that for the $20 I spent they only try one time and then it goes back to the post office and either I can call to schedule delivery (only for the next day) OR the receipient can go to the post office (good luck getting the Chilean person to go out of their way to go to the post office to pick it up, I know). So ALL morning I am on the phone growing more eager by the minute and really worried that I am not going to be able to travel. I FINALLY get in touch with the actual person who delivers the mail for that route. He was an angel. He searched the post office and did not see the letter. He mentioned that he has had several instances with the Chilean consulate's office where they have misplaced letters (GREAT!). He told me that he would stop by the consulate office before they closed at 1 PM to talk to them to find out what might have happened to the letter. This is a great example of what I expect as a gringa for customer service :). So I call the consulate office to let them know that the post office does not have the letter and their postman would be stopping by to find out what happened to the letter. They tell me that they are in no way at fault and didn't receive the letter. At some point during all of this S calls me to tell me a letter was just delivered at our house from the consulate. Apparantly they DID receive my letter and apparantly they DID process the letter but had no recollection NOR checked any sort of "system" they have (you would think they would be tracking these $12 authentications closely) and they are very familiar with me because I have been calling them 3 times a day for the past 4 days!!!!!! URGGGG!!!!!!!

So....S opens the letter and in it says "IMPORTANT NOTICE: You must go to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Chile to authenticate this document to make it legal in Chile". Yippie skippy- JUST what I wanted to be spending my time in Chile doing. I can authenticate that this process is a bunch of BS and authenticate that their consulate office in Chicago SUCKS and apparantly their embassy is BS too because there is no one there that can answer a phone. So, I guess if I ever want to steal my own child all I have to do is take them to Chile and not get the form legalized by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

I really have this burning desire to understand why this process is the way it is and fix it. I guess it's the Gringa in me.

To think that our government should have control over anything other than the military is totally crazy when we see how awesome they are at running things. Stuff like this in the Fortune 500 company I work for would never fly.

ANYWAY- thanks for the therapy :) I'll need some extra beach time in Chile to make up for this added stress.