In Florida there is a small women's clothing botique shop across from where my dad lives that is owned by a husband and wife. They have become good friends with my dad and his girlfriend and everytime I am there I shop at the store and always find cool stuff and they give me great deals on it. They are really nice people.
I took the in-laws there to shop. I introduced everyone and at some point in the conversation the husband shopowner said that he needed to lose some weight. He is not totally overweight but a typical slightly plump gringo. Anyway, he asked my father in law what he did for a living to which he replied in english "I'm a doctor and specialize in helping fat people like you lose weight". I think my jaw dropped and the shop owner was stunned. I was really embarrased and had no idea what to say. I tried to play it off by reminding him that he mentioned being overweight earlier and that the father in law jokes like that. At least the part that he helps people lose weight is true as Vivi Kreutzberger just recommended him to people trying to lose weight but he could have left the "like you" part out. It was very uncomfortable.
This has sparked a conversation between S and I about the differences in how Chileans and Gringos perceive comments like that. Apparantly it's no big thing with the Chileans and it doesn't hold much value. Say that to a Gringo and it's a totally different story and we take it really personally. For the Chileans it is like a fact is stated but there is no emotion behind it. There is no way for something like that to have no emotion for a Gringo. I can't comprehend a comment like that having no emotion.
Another example is that his step mom calls his dad "Gordo". I can't imagine saying to S "Let's go fatty" and referring to him as "fatty" all the time never using his name. I've never heard S's mom call him by his name. It's always "Chancho" and he calls her "Vieja" in return. I guess it is all in the family so it's not as bad as the example above but still different.
I know that gringas in Chile have posted on this topic. Does one get used to this after living in Chile and take it with no emotion? If someone made a comment to me like that I don't think I could take it without emotion and I would react with emotion right back at them.
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Tsunami Evacuation
1 year ago
Thank god nobody's called me fat to my face yet in Chile, but if they did, I think I would die! I already prepped my fiance about this issue. I told him, "Look, I know it's okay for people to openly critique and evaluate each other here with no hard feelings but if in our lives you ever think I look fatter, sloppy, not dressed well, or don't like ANYTHING about my personal appearance, DO NOT TELL ME!!! EVER!!!"
ReplyDeleteHe learned from experience. My first trip to Chile I gained quite a bit of weight (new culture etc...) and in a conversation he indirectly pointed it out (good heartedly of course), but it quickly turned into a huge thing and I could not look at him for the next week! Ha ha, okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, not a full week, but I was pretty crushed!
Recently one of my fiances best friends majorly criticized him about something to do with his work performance and my fiance told me about it like it was nothing and like it was good advice. I couldn't believe it! If someone told me what his friend told him (whether it be good advice or not), I would be really offended. Those kinds of things should be left in the workplace!
Last story...I sent my sister in law a few pictures of wedding dress options so she could be involved in helping me choose (since I was choosing from Canada). Knowing I was going to chose one of them, she told me she didn't like any of them and they were "too this..." "too that..." and told me I should just buy one in Chile! I don't like the general trend of wedding dresses in Chile so I will not buy the dress there. I took this all in good nature of course, knowing that things are different there but it's just funny because here, nobody would ever criticize the wedding dress you were about to buy. If the bride likes it, that's all that matters!
So in sum, after writing a book, no you are not alone in suffering the sometimes brutal Chilean critiques ha ha!
Lucie- Thanks for all the comments and glad to hear that I'm not the only one who doesn't understand it. The wedding dress thing is crazy. I remember S's step mom saying that my hair and hair color were really pretty and asked if I got it done in Chile. I was perplexed by this comment wondering if maybe she thought that there was no way it could get it done as nice in the US. Perhaps I was reading into it too much. Well, on the bright side I guess when you get a compliment from a Chilean they really mean it and aren't just saying it :)
ReplyDeleteMy aussie fiancee has the same conflict which I learned by her face at my parents calling each other gordo and gorda, in fact tender loving words in the chilean slang universe. I dont know if you got this with other radioactive words like "chino" (anyone from the far east) or "negro" (anyone darker than white). By now Ive been told quite repeatedly that these are not words to be used lightly, but somehow there´s a particular elastic ethical code in the chilean language that allows the use of these words without thinking (or feeling as you point out) too much about the consequences of dropping them at random times. One of this occasions happened a few days ago when I said "Obama is the new black".
ReplyDeleteI thought it was quite funny.